For Internal Distribution · Do Not █████████████████ · Form 22-B
Approvedpending appeal
THE CHICKENCOW INSTITUTE DEPT. OF IMPOSSIBLE LIVESTOCK ✶ ✶

Office of the Director

Cluck cluck moo

the founding utterance, transcribed phonetically1

Established 19██  ·  Charter Reaffirmed Annually Under Protest

You have reached the front matter of the Institute, the world's foremost — and, owing to circumstances, only — body dedicated to the study, cataloging, and humane ██████████ of the ChickenCow. We treat the animal's existence as a settled fact and have done so since the incident at the ████████████████ Fair, after which denial was no longer considered scientifically tenable.2

This wiki exists to record what is known, what is suspected, and what was agreed upon only to end the meeting. Entries are maintained by volunteers, most of whom remain. Where the record is incomplete, you will find it marked as such; where the record is complete, you should be more concerned, not less.3

Standing Notice

The ChickenCow is harmless. Containment protocols exist not to protect the public from the animal but to protect the animal from ████████████. Visitors are reminded that it can hear you planning.

Core Areas of Inquiry

F-01   Anatomy & the Udder-Egg Problem
F-02   The Schism: Chicken That Moos, or Cow That Clucks?
F-03   Field Recordings & Sonograms
F-04   Containment Protocols (Voluntary)
F-05   Register of Known Hybrids
F-06   The Incident of 1987

Entries shown in red have not yet cleared the Ethics Board. The Ethics Board has not met since F-06.

A Word on Method

We do not speculate. We document, footnote, and — where documentation fails — footnote the footnotes.4 Every claim on this wiki is supported by a source. Every source is supported by a second source. The second source is, in most cases, the first source wearing a hat.5

If you find an error, you are likely correct, and we ask that you keep it to yourself.6 If you find the truth, please report to the front desk, where you will be issued a ██████████████████████████████████████████.7

See Also

▸ Black bars are classified. Click to declassify at your own risk. ◂

  1. Loosely transliterated from the original, which no one present was qualified to write down. Best rendered in English as: "we were not consulted." ↩
  2. The Fair has since declined to comment, declined to confirm it was held, and declined to confirm the existence of the county. ↩
  3. A complete record implies a complete event. We are not prepared to make that claim about anything. ↩
  4. See footnote 5. ↩
  5. See footnote 4. The reader is asked not to dwell on this. ↩
  6. Errors are the only part of this archive we are confident were written by a human. We have grown fond of them. ↩
  7. There is no front desk. There has never been a front desk. The Director maintains that there was a front desk in 19██ and that it walked off during the Schism, which — if true — would contradict footnote 1, footnote 2, and the founding charter, and which the Director declines to discuss while the building is listening. ↩